


secrets not meant to be told

by yuminpa



Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cond is sad again, Gen, I mention god sometimes..., Religious Themes, finally something not so primarily focused on discotrain, hat kids babey, hat kids panicking, heheh, hes drunk, snatchers confused, suicidal thoughts(?), ye
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22531630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuminpa/pseuds/yuminpa
Summary: hat kid's harmless prank turns into something a little more alarming.
Comments: 35
Kudos: 132





	1. vents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rift Bliz and Mery!!!!](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Rift+Bliz+and+Mery%21%21%21%21).



> okay! so! before i start i'm gonna say thank you to @/storybook_rift for sending me this prompt in my tumblr inbox!!! i love you!!!
> 
> also, i'm really sorry if this is ooc or not as accurate, or i get the prompt wrong…or I wrote inaccurately OR I DONT KNOW I'm sorry if this isn't as good as my other ones basically  
> But i hope you enjoy nonetheless  
> P.S @ wheat_thins9(?) i hope you don't mind me using your headcanon name for Cond!!!

The studio was closed. 

The lights were off, and no express owls or moon penguins were roaming around with their red blinding lights. 

Hat Kid felt just as sneaky and cunning as she did when she first roamed around the closed studio just a couple of weeks ago, to get her hands on the detected Time Piece; but this time she was just doing this because of pure boredom; the spaceship got awfully boring once in a while. 

She really loved these studios. 

Working with both the Conductor and DJ Grooves— who were both _amazing_ directors according to her— was an absolute delight. 

Though Conductor’s movies were more…unsettling, especially because of the slight suspicions she had about Train Rush being even _more_ than just a movie— they were both fun, and thrilling, and thinking about them brought a cheeky, bright grin to her face. 

Those two birds, who were rather crazy in their own ways, were one of the _only_ reasons Hat Kid didn't want to leave for home anymore. 

She had collected all the Time Pieces; all fifty-six of them shut tight in her spaceship, but she really didn't want to leave anymore. 

  
  


The studio had a new, rather unsettling vibe that Hat Kid could barely explain. It got progressively worse as she descended into the studio. She couldn't understand why it felt like this; last time was perfectly fine. But this time, it wasn't; she could hear no muffled yet loud voices coming from an unknown room, and it was all mostly pitch black, the only sound she could hear being her loud footsteps echoing. 

She wrapped her arms around herself, looking around, silence growing unnerving. 

But she didn't want to leave, so simply, she wouldn't. She couldn't. 

She wanted someone to talk to, after all, that _wasn’t_ Snatcher for once. 

The studio was so vast, so incredibly big. It always surprised Hat Kid at how big it truly was; she didn't know movie studios were this big. 

To think only _one_ of these birds could've owned the _entire_ studio, all to himself…

How would any of them manage so much space?

Without one of them, the studio wouldn't be whole, not as enjoyable— not as… _good_ as it is now. 

And then Hat Kid started to think: what if the Conductor left? Or perhaps what if Grooves did?

If one of them never ended up becoming a director, or one of them k—

  
  


_No. That wouldn't happen anyway. None of them feel that bad, right?_

Hat Kid shuddered at the thought that suddenly entered her mind, but tried her hardest to brush it off and proceed onwards through the huge room she had absentmindedly just entered. Looking at the huge ‘B3’ on the wall, she knew where she was going, somehow, and silently crawled through the vents she could find.

She still didn't know exactly what she was doing or where she was going, all she knew was that she was _looking_ for somebody. 

Nobody in particular; just somebody to talk to. Whoever she'd come across first— who wasn’t a CAW Agent, she'd talk to. 

Crawling through the vents and the endless array of empty storage rooms was starting to become a bore, and she was about to drop into the room with all of Conductor’s movie posters in it, but just before she dropped in she noticed someone on one of the small chairs at the left. 

Someone rather familiar. 

The Conductor was slumped over the desk that was in front of the chair, multiple bottles of alcohol resting on said desk, and Hat Kid didn't know if she could hear faint mumbling or faint weeping— or perhaps she could hear both. 

Her surprised expression faltered, and it softened and changed into a look of somewhat sympathy. She didn't know what the owl was going through, but she knew he was sad and most likely drunk. 

  
  


_Wait, if he was drunk…_

  
  


Hat Kid smirked and started to speak, obscuring herself from his potential view. “Hi—”

Conductor immediately heard her, letting out a startled scream, perking right up, spilling the bottle of booze in his hand as a result. Hat Kid could barely contain her sudden urge to burst out laughing; she only let out a quiet snicker that he couldn't hear. 

She had never heard him scream like that. 

He got up, almost immediately, shouting. “WHO’S THERE!? God, is that you!?”

_Huh. Hat Kid didn't know he was religious…?_

She furrowed her brow for a moment. This wasn’t the prank she wanted to do; but the owl _was_ drunk. It would be funny, especially to her. 

Ignoring the urge to giggle was already hard— and this was going to make it much worse— but this was her only opportunity. “Yeah.” She lowered her voice slightly, to make her lie more believable. 

Conductor stumbled, trying to pace around the room, looking at both vents and frowning. “Where are yer!?”

“In your head.”

“A–...Alright..! If yer really God, then what's me real name!? You should…know that!” He stumbled to a wall and leaned against it for support, his cheeks flushed, a faint grin on his face, and although Hat Kid couldn't see them, his eyes were bloodshot and glazed over.

He may have been crying, too. She wasn't sure if she could see tears streaming down his face or not. 

“Um…” She had never heard his real name. She stayed silent for a moment, furrowing her brow, before Conductor immediately interrupted her thoughts, his words slurred.

“Connor, you big _idiot!_ ” The smile on his face faltered, yet his cheeks stayed pink; and his voice was loud and booming, just like normal. 

She grinned at this. 

“You shoulda known that! Connor Forbush! That's me!”

“Right, right. I knew that. So, erm— Connor— are you proud of your movies? I am.”

“Tha’s right...the movies…pretty good, eh?” He stopped leaning against the wall, now swaying slightly, a hiccup escaping his lips. He stood back and looked up at the poster he was just leaning against; the one for Train Rush, but he ended up falling over. He was now just sitting on the floor, giggling slightly, not saying a word. 

“This is the completely wrong timing…” Hat Kid mumbled to herself, much to Conductor’s surprise. “AYE, WHAT!?”

“Aah— nothing, nothing! Hey. The girl with the hat was a pretty good actor, don't you think?” A smirk grew on her face, watching the owl try to get back up. She tried her best to conceal her laughter once he failed to stand back up. 

_He was way too drunk for this. She could've chosen a different time, or another prank to do._

But he nodded, a faint smile on his face appearing once again. “She was…she was arright, I think. The little hat lass?”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah. She was fine. B-…better than the lousy Express Owls. They don't even make any sense! What job is me train bringing them to, anyway!? Some kind of science-y thing!? They're all wearing weird COATS!? I'll probably get killed by them someday. That'd make for a gooood movi—”

“What do you think about your rival? DJ...Grooves, is that his name?” 

Now, Hat Kid was just facing the other side of the vent, getting more cosy into it, her voice gradually going back to its normal high pitch. She wasn't going to blow her cover, anyway. Conductor was too drunk to know it was actually her, not God. 

It took awhile for him to respond; but once he got back on his feet, he started to speak, swaying slightly and having to lean against a wall again. “Oh, _that_ peck neck!?”

“Yes.”

“I dunno…how I feel about that guy.” He tilted his head, his words incredibly slurred and slow. “I mean…his hair is soft. And he sounds cool. And he's a lot more supportive than me. And his jacket is warm. I like…pu—putting my hand through his hair because it's so soft. I like _him_ , I think.” 

Hat Kid peeked around the corner, and could see the lone owl now silently obsessing over his rival, his flushed cheeks growing even more red, the faint grin on his face turning into a cheeky, slightly yearning smile. 

It made Hat Kid smile, too. She hid herself from him, a smirk still on her face. “You really like Grooves, huh?”

“W-wait! Not that much! No! I don't…like him as much as you think, peck neck!”

“I'm the voice of God. I know everything, and I know _for sure_ you like this penguin.”

He stayed silent for a moment, looking into thin air, and then he crossed his arms and looked to the side. “Okay, _hic…_ maybe just a little. But his movies…his movies are really bad!”

“You keep telling yourself that, _Connor…_ I know you enjoy a few of them. _”_ She smirked, and then Conductor let out a frustrated groan. 

  
  


He was lying to himself. 

Of course he liked this penguin; there was no point in denying that, but he truly didn't want to believe he _loved_ him. He didn't want to believe that all the things he had described— and many more— made him so incredibly happy. 

Made him feel like staying on this god forsaken world was worth it. 

But Grooves wasn't going to feel the same way, right? Obviously not. 

  
  


Anyway…

“I'm not proud of my movies.” He let out, quieter than usual, eventually making an effort to stand normally without having to lean on to anything for support. And he succeeded, for the most part. 

Hat Kid— who was stuck in a trance— jumped slightly. “Huh? Why not?”

“I mean. The myerrrderrr one was cool. I...it was long…and it was interesting…and whodathunk that the director himself was the culprit!?” A smile appeared on his face, but it didn't seem to be a happy one; and then he chuckled slightly, and continued. “And then there's Train Rush. That was…t-too much to bear for everyone involved.”

“How so?”

“…God, I…hurt the hatted lass. She didn't deserve any of that. And some of the Express Owls. And myself. It wasn't a good movie, it shouldn’t of won that award, it—…” 

He sighed loudly and stopped himself before he could work himself up even more, and then sooner or later his legs gave out and he was sitting on the floor once again, an overpowering feeling of nausea suddenly filling his whole body. 

He buried his head in his hands and sighed loudly again, all while Hat Kid was watching. 

She felt sorry for him. 

This prank was slowly descending into something much worse, and she didn't know what to do. 

She couldn't blow her cover _now_ ; the Conductor slowly but surely started to feel even worse, and it was showing. 

She sat there, silently, her eyes wandering around the room, and stopping on the pool of alcohol that had spilled onto the floor. She bit her lip, and sighed. 

She had really chosen the wrong time. 

But Conductor got up, and Hat Kid quickly had to hide herself yet again. He shakily stood up, although he wasn't stable; he couldn't stop swaying, and sometimes Hat Kid could hear a quiet hiccup or a retch. 

The hairs on her arms stood up, and she tensed, biting her lip once again. She couldn't _stand_ that noise: a sudden retch. 

_If he was actually going to be sick, she'd have to bolt straight out of there._

But, thankfully, he wasn't going to, and he sat back down on the small pink chair, grabbing one of the alcohol bottles that _hadn’t_ spilled, wanting to chug some of it down in a matter of seconds; but the sudden nausea he was feeling was only going to get a lot worse if he did that, and he would end up _actually_ vomiting; and nobody wants that. 

So he set it down again, sighing loudly, and starting to speak, his voice hoarse and quiet and his words slurred. “...God…I don't wanna live anymore.”

  
  


_Wait, what?_

  
  


Hat Kid’s heart seemed to stop, her eyes suddenly widening. 

That was the last thing she was expecting to hear. 

“Wh…why…?”

He stood up, starting to shout. “There's _no_ reason to live…! I hate myself, the Express Owls hate me, everyone hates me! Even the hatted lass, I _know_ that! Who wouldn't hate someone who put them through so much!? You won't _let me die!_ I tried twice, I tried to hang myself with me old tie, and try to finish Train Rush _but none of it worked_ ! Why won't you let me go!? Am I not even likeable to _you_ !? Imagine being hated by _everyone_ , even God.”

The poor girl refused to speak, her eyes welling up with tears. She let them out one by one, silently weeping as the Conductor spoke. 

But then she wiped her tears, and spoke, her voice barely a whisper. “I don't hate you…”

Conductor quickly snapped back, swaying. “Keep telling yerself that. You do! Why else would you not let me come back home when it's all I want!? I don't even care about me safety, and I've been hurt so many times after that necktie situation, but did ya let me come back home!? No. No, you didn't.” He went silent, expecting a response, but he didn't get one, so he continued after another hiccup. “I don't live for anyone. There's no point. I'd say I'm here cus’ of the thin possibility that Grooves would actually like me back, but I know he doesn't. I know he doesn't care about me. Nobody does. Nobody ever pecking will. Honestly, it'd be nice if I could just…disappear into a forest…forever. M-maybe Subcon. I know that would be nice.” A faint smile appeared on his face. During his rant, he had absentmindedly fallen over, now sitting down on the ground once again, a giggle escaping his lips. 

Hat Kid sat there, silently weeping as he said what he said. She wasn't expecting to hear such things and she didn't know Conductor felt _this_ bad— 

She wanted to help. She wanted to help the man so much. 

But she was only a kid. 

She had never gone through what he had, never tried to…commit suicide…before. 

She looked back into the room, being careful so she wouldn't be seen— and she noticed a broken purple tie in the corner of the room, abandoned, left for dead, even. 

Her eyes widened. _Perhaps that was the old tie he used to…—_

  
  


She would've lept down and tried to help, but she heard a sudden retch once again, this one louder than the others. She shut her eyes tight and immediately started running out of the vent through the way she came in, hearing ugly, horrible, gagging noises coming from the room Conductor was in— the noises thankfully getting quieter and quieter as Hat Kid ran away, tears streaming down her face. 

Conductor started crying too, but Hat Kid didn't know that. 

  
  


Running through the whole studio was nothing but a blur to her.

She eventually got to the reception, quicker than she expected to— and that was when she let herself cry. _Loudly._ As loud as she wanted to. 

She would've gone back to the spaceship and started crying— but the Snatcher was there; and she couldn't bear anyone asking what was wrong. 

Conductor probably didn't even _mean_ to let out the things he had said. He had only said them because he was drunk, and had no self control. 

He probably didn't mean to say how he truly felt about DJ Grooves, either. 

So, she wasn't going to tell anybody. She was a respectful, polite girl, and was only doing the respectful, polite thing to do. 

  
  
  


After she had stopped crying (mostly), eventually she worked up the courage to get back to the spaceship. 

She somehow ended up getting back to the spaceship, sighing.

  
  


The bright room filling her sight almost blinded her; her eyes still being adjusted to the pitch black studios. This made her eyes even more bloodshot, and they filled up with tears yet again, but she refused to let them out, though the urge to do just that was slowly overpowering. 

She hastily walked towards the purple door, it automatically opening. 

Her eyes felt more at ease in the corridors; they weren't as bright as any of the main rooms. But sooner or later she did arrive there, into her bedroom. 

The only thing she wanted to do was collapse onto her bed and cry, and so she did just that— completely ignoring Snatcher, who was there, and…confused. And concerned. Mostly concerned, but Hat Kid didn't need to know that. 

“What got you so sad, kiddo?”

“Ah— I didn't…” She wiped her tears and sniffled, forcing a faint smile on her face. “I didn't think you'd ask.”

“Well, I did. What's up?”

  
  


“It's…nothing you should worry about, Snatcher.”

  
  
  


_She'd have to go back to the studio tomorrow and ask what that was about…_


	2. wasted worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hat kid gets too scared over practically nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyy if this is OOC or whatever:((   
> Just kinda projected myself onto Hattie yknow??? I missed doing that.  
> Saw the opportunity, took it.

9:32 AM.

She hadn't gotten out of bed today yet, despite knowing it was most definitely morning. 

Today had arrived a lot slower than Hat Kid expected it to. She had barely gotten any sleep the night before; she didn't know why. It wasn't because she was scared— she knew that. It was because she felt…odd. Strange.   
As if she shouldn't be as concerned over what the Conductor has said as she was; he _was_ extremely drunk when he said those things, and from what Hat Kid had learned about the residents on this strange planet— they all went out of control and said things they weren't supposed to say when drunk. 

Or, so she heard. Snatcher had told her, therefore it was true, right? And besides, she saw what happened to Conductor.   
She heard what he said...

…

Her thoughts clouded her mind quicker than she'd like to admit: and she covered her face with her pillow, sighing loudly, as if that would get rid of her loud thoughts. 

  
  


…

Huh?

She was expecting to hear Snatcher, perhaps reacting to her strange, unexpected noise. 

But he wasn't. 

No other sounds rang out in the big room other than the shuffling of blankets and now Hat Kid’s muffled, croaky voice. 

“Snatcher…?” She asked, her voice almost a whisper. “Are you here?”

No response. Besides, if he  _ was  _ here she’d hear the turning of book pages  _ at least _ . 

And she wasn't hearing any of that.

So, after getting no response and getting the hint that Snatcher had gone somewhere else, most likely his own forest, she sighed and reluctantly separated the pillow from her face.

She rubbed her eyes, now sitting up in her bed, her mind starting to cloud once again. 

What Conductor had said to her was stuck in her head, and no matter what she did, it never came unstuck. It stayed. Almost as if it was a permanent guest into her mind. 

Although he  _ was  _ drunk, Snatcher had also told Hat Kid that drunk people could be more honest and open than they would be sober—…

  
  


Hm.

He absentmindedly spilled out his deep, dark thoughts to  _ her _ , someone he’d otherwise  _ never  _ tell anything to. 

Though some secrets were rather predictable, rather humorous, and brought a smile to the girl’s face:

~~**“I mean…his hair is soft. And he sounds cool. And he's a lot more supportive than me. And his jacket is warm. I like…pu—putting my hand through his hair because it's so soft. I like** **_him_ ** **, I think.”** ~~

Others were also alarming and made Hat Kid want to cry. 

~~**“...God…I don't wanna live anymore.”** ~~

~~**“There's** **_no_ ** **reason to live…! I hate myself, the Express Owls hate me, everyone hates me! Even the hatted lass, I** **_know_ ** **that! Who wouldn't hate someone who put them through so much!? You won't** **_let me die!_ ** **I tried to die twice, with me old tie, and Train Rush** **_but none of it worked_ ** **! Why won't you let me go!? Am I not even likeable to** **_you_ ** **!? Imagine being hated by** **_everyone_ ** **, even God.”** ~~

~~**“Keep telling yerself that. You do! Why else would you not let me come back home when it's all I want!? I don't even care about me safety, and I've been hurt so many times** **_after_ ** **that necktie situation, but did ya let me come back home!? No. No, you didn't.”** ~~

  
  


_ Come back ‘home’…? _

_ Oh, God… _

~~**“I don't live for anyone. There's no point. I'd say I'm here cus’ of the really tiny possibility that Grooves would actually like me back, but I know he doesn't. I know he doesn't care about me. Nobody does. Nobody ever pecking will. Honestly, it'd be nice if I could just…disappear into a forest…forever. M-maybe Subcon. I know that would be nice.”** ~~

  
  


_ Shut up… _

_ Shut up! _

**_SHUT UP!_ **

Before Hat Kid knew, tears were streaming down her face once again. Now that she was on her own and could process the situation at her own pace, it had finally hit her:  _ the Conductor had tried to kill himself. Twice.  _

And her suspicions about Train Rush were  _ right _ . All along.

Everything hit her so hard. 

All she wanted to was sob; but she had to get up. 

She had to move. 

She had to _ go.  _

She had an owl to look for.   
So, that's what she did. After letting herself process what happened yesterday night, she wiped her tears and finally got out of bed, grabbing her favourite top hat off her bedside table and her umbrella from the side of it. 

She glanced at the flaming candles in the corner of her room, tilting her head slightly; usually, Snatcher would blow them out before leaving back for Subcon. 

But, it was no big deal.

  
"Eh." She shrugged, steadily walking out of her bedroom and into the main room, heading for the room with the orange automatic door. 

Those thoughts were still stuck in her head. 

But…

_ Don't think about it.  _

_ Don't think about it. _

_ Conductor didn't even mean to tell you that.  _

_ You'll get answers soon today, anyway.  _

_ Don't. Think. About. It. _

All she could do was push them away.

She sighed, slowly making her way over to the orange door, and through the short corridor with the train tracks on the floor.

Those train tracks always made her smile for some reason, even if they were just part of the carpet. 

Looking at the telescope at the top of the small ledges, she almost effortlessly jumped from one little ledge to another, and once she got to the orange telescope in the middle of the Machine Room, she paused. 

Did she want to do this…?

No…not really. But if it meant helping the Conductor just a little bit…

She peeked into the telescope, one eye closed.   
_ Dead Bird Studios, here I come. _

_ Again. _

  
  
  
  
  


Not hearing or seeing the two birds at the front of Dead Bird Studio reception arguing was actually strange for Hat Kid. She would've liked to see both of them, even if they were feuding like usual; it would comfort her _just_ a little bit, but obviously they weren't there. She could see that.  
It was only the Receptionist, and upon walking into the studio reception, she could only see four Moon Penguins at the side, loitering near DJ Grooves’ side of the studio. 

No Express Owls. 

She bit her lip and gathered up her courage so she could actually speak to the Receptionist, but before she could even try, he spoke up. 

“Hi, little chirper! I haven't seen you in a while.”

She nodded in response, a faint smile on her face. 

“If you wanted to see any of the directors, Conductor isn't here today, but DJ Grooves is, and he's not recording so you can go talk to him if you were looking for him.”

The smile on Hat Kid’s face dissipated.

_ She didn't want to have to wait until tomorrow… _

She finally gathered up the courage to speak.   
“A-are you sure he's not just running late? Conductor, I mean.” She uttered, her voice shakier than she'd like to admit. Though she wasn't nervous, right? “I really need to talk to him—”

“Sorry, kid. He's not here. You'll have to wait.” Receptionist folded his arms.

“Did he  _ at least _ call to say why he wasn't gonna be here?” Her voice got shakier the more she said, though she could've sworn she wasn't as nervous as she sounded. 

“No,” Receptionist’s voice started to sound grated and more forced as his eyes darted across the room. “I didn't get anything. Kid, all I know is that he definitely isn't here today, okay?”

As a result of the Receptionist starting to look very obviously annoyed at Hat Kid, she nodded sadly and turned her back to the desk. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Wait, kid, before you go—”

She stopped in her tracks, but didn't look back.

“Whaddya wanna talk to Conductor about, anyway? I can pass on a message.”

Hat Kid’s eyes widened almost instantly and she turned back to face the desk. “No!” Her voice was almost a yell, and she could've sworn the room almost went silent, causing her cheeks to grow even redder from embarrassment.

Receptionist tilted his head at such a sudden reaction. 

But she calmed down quickly, sighing. “Sorry…it's just…something kinda personal that I'd rather not tell to anyone  _ but  _ him…”

“Ah. That's okay.” The Receptionist flashed a friendly smile to Hat Kid, a smile she returned. “Hopefully you get to tell him soon.”

“I will, eventually. Thank you!”

She turned back to the front door and started to walk out, a faint smile still on her face from the one Receptionist flashed at her.

The parking lot outside the studio entrance and the desert-like roads became visible again, stretching out beyond her sight. 

She wasn't going to think anything more of Conductor not being there (or was going to try not to think anything more of it) but then something resurfaced to the top of her active mind, and she stopped in her tracks as the thought made itself known—

  
  


~~**“Honestly, it'd be nice if I could just…disappear into a forest…forever. M-maybe Subcon. I know that would be nice.”** ~~

  
  


_ Hold on— _

  
  


Her eyes widened and she froze, the colour draining from her face; her once rosy cheeks now matching the pale hue of the rest of her face. 

Her expression was now etched with anxiety and she immediately ran out, heading back to the spaceship. 

  
  
  


Arriving in the main hub of the spaceship and dashing to her bedroom to the purple telescope had never been such a blur to her. 

But she was there before she knew it. 

_ Take a rest! Your heart is RACING! _

_ Nothing is wrong with the Conductor, you're literally just overthinking it! _

A small voice at the back of her mind tried to speak up, but it was obscured by the louder thoughts that went a  _ little  _ too far. 

But she really  _ did  _ have to take it slow. 

There was no rush, surely. 

She paused, and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down at least a little bit before stepping into Subcon Forest once again.

She didn't want to. She didn't want to see or hear those speaking nooses. She didn't want to listen to her mind uttering about the thin possibility that Conductor might be there. 

She didn't want to. That was all.

But she had to; she had an owl to look for, right?

So, reluctantly, she peeked into the purple telescope, with one eye shut— aiming it towards Subcon Forest. 

_ Here we go again… _

  
  
  


The sudden cold of Subcon Forest hit Hat Kid harder than she had expected. It wasn't as bad as the cold on Vanessa’s side of the forest, fortunately; but it was still cold enough to make her shiver. 

She looked behind her to see the cosy hollow tree Snatcher basically lived in, and fortunately, he was there, flipping through his books like usual, his facial expression changing as seconds went by. 

This brought a faint smile on her face, and she stood idle for a moment, but she had to  _ go! _

She had an owl to look for, right!?

Hat Kid looked back in front of her, the vast forest filling her sight, and she was going to go dashing off into it in a vain attempt to find her owl, but she heard a sudden voice coming from behind her. 

“Hey, kiddo.” 

_ Snatcher! _

She jumped, immediately looking back, Snatcher  _ somehow _ already right behind her. 

“What are you doing in my forest? I thought I told you not to come back.” He said, his voice stern. He folded his arms as Hat Kid looked at him disapprovingly, and then he returned the look. “I mean, I practically live in your spaceship now, there's no reason for you to be here. So, what are you doing?”

“Hello to you too, Snatcher.” A forced yet genuine looking smile appeared on her face as she closed her eyes and started walking down the gentle hill. She would’ve stuck her hands in her pockets, but alas, she wasn't wearing her Nyakuza hoodie, the only piece of clothing she owned with pockets.

And then she opened her eyes again, slightly calmer, taking everything more slowly. 

“What? You didn't answer my question, young lady.  _ What are you doing? _ ”

Snatcher followed Hat Kid down the gentle hill as she made her way through the middle of the forest, nearing closer to Subcon Village with every step she took. 

_ That's where she'd have to look first. That's where everybody is. So that's where he has to be. _

Her smile vanished when she went to answer the ghost’s question. “I’m…well…I'm looking for someone.” Her voice went quieter the more she spoke.

Snatcher looked around the forest, confused. “Well, kiddo, I doubt l the forest has changed since you came last week if you're looking for anyone new in particular. Who’re you looking for?”

Hat Kid stopped in her tracks, looking down, and letting out a sigh. “I'm looking for the Conductor.”

“Who, that one yellow bird? Raptor? Thing? That thing you ranted to me about once when he double-crossed you? Look, I don't know what he is but you're looking for him  _ here!?  _ Out of all places!?”

She stayed silent for a moment, thinking, still glancing at the purple floor, not moving an inch. 

“He’s an  _ owl,  _ and he said something to me yesterday night about…wanting to ‘disappear’ in this forest. And I know most people don't leave in one piece. That's what you said to me when I first came here, right?”

“Right…also, that cursing owl really doesn't wanna disappear in this forest. Nobody does, and even if they say they do, they’ll get here and regret it all, because then they're  _ soulless. _ And you know how bad it feels to be soulless.”

Hat Kid nodded in agreement, starting to walk down the path again, somehow knowing where she was heading. 

To Subcon Village. 

It was strange; she didn't know how she knew, but she knew.

“Yeah…I know how it feels.” She said, looking back up once she heard more voices.  _ There was the village.  _ “I just hope Conductor is okay, that's it. I just wanna look for him.”

“I know, kiddo. And hey, he's probably fine! I haven't stolen his soul yet if he's even  _ here _ , so he should be fine. Don't worry about ‘im.”

Hat Kid nodded, a faint smile spreading onto both of their faces. 

Snatcher had the urge to take off Hat Kid’s huge hat and ruffle her hair, but she didn't need to know that. 

“I'll try. You can go back to wherever. I'm gonna look here.” She pointed towards the village, and Snatcher nodded, now making his way back to what Hat Kid assumed was his tree.   
“Good luck!”

This made Hat Kid smile. Snatcher was never… _ like  _ that before. So supportive. He was usually way more rude and blunt than this; so that small interaction made her feel a lot better. 

But she had to start looking.

She had an owl to look for!

  
  
  
  


It had to have been half an hour at least since Snatcher left. Whether he left for his hollow tree or he left for the spaceship, Hat Kid didn't know, but she did know that a lump in her throat was starting to emerge, and all she wanted to do was stop everything she was doing and cry. 

But all she did do was stand still in the middle of the village, where the Fire Spirits once danced. 

Where the  _ peck  _ was he!?

Two sides of her mind were arguing: one side saying she was  _ completely  _ overthinking everything, and the Conductor was fine! Probably at home, wherever that was. 

But the other side argued that he  _ shouldn't  _ have been at home. If he was, he would've called the Receptionist and told him why he wouldn't be there, surely. 

He had to be here. 

He had to be in this forest. 

But he wasn't. She had looked everywhere he would be and everywhere he wouldn't be, and he wasn't  _ anywhere.  _

She  _ knew _ she was overthinking it all, but when she was overthinking things like this, she almost had no choice but to listen to her loud mind until it was proven wrong. 

If she didn't, it’d consume all she had and—

  
  


She still wanted to cry, and the lump in her throat only expanded and it closed her throat up tight. 

But she refused to cry here.

Too many people. Too many subconites; too many dwellers. 

So, before she could start crying yet again, she immediately ran out of the Subcon Village and made her way to her spaceship, which she might as well call her home now. 

  
  
  
  


The bright colours of the Main Hub filled her clouded eyesight yet again, and she slowly made her way to the purple automatic door to her bedroom. 

Once the door opened when it sensed she was there, she silently stepped through the purple-blue corridor, spacing out as she slowly made her way there. 

Once she entered her bedroom, she subconsciously let the tears in her eyes spill out, and before she knew it she had gotten carried away with how much she  _ did  _ let out, starting to sob.

_ She shouldn't be crying this much.  _

_ Stupid.  _

_ Crying over someone you don't even know that well.  _

_ Crying over something he said once that he was probably never going to act upon.  _

  
  


_ Just crying.  _

_ Not good.  _

  
  


“Kid.” 

Hearing Snatcher’s surprisingly earnest voice come out of seemingly nowhere scared Hat Kid to the extent that she had almost stopped crying entirely because of how startled she suddenly was. 

Her eyes were widened and she kept her gaze on Snatcher, who only had an expression on his face that she did not recognise. 

“Never in the whole two months I've known you, have you cried this much. Over a weird…dragon.”

He knew Conductor was an owl, but he was just trying to make her laugh. 

But she didn't need to know that.

She did laugh, though, a faint smile spreading on her face as she wiped away her tears. “He’s—…he's an owl…and you can't blame me for being upset, can you? I can't find him. I don't know where he is.”

The smile on Snatcher’s face disappeared as he listened to Hat Kid’s shaky voice that broke even more as she spoke, the tears streaming down her face once again. 

It hurt him,  _ but she didn't need to know that _ . 

“…No. I can't really blame you for being upset. But you're overthinking it, kid! He's probably fine! He's gotta be. He couldn't have done something so quick.”

Hat Kid nodded her head, looking down to conceal the tears that she could barely control. “I know…” Her voice was barely audible from how shaky it was. “But…when I overthink like this I  _ have  _ to prove myself wrong…”

He could emphasise with this girl. He knew what overthinking was like. He  _ could  _ emphasise with her, but he  _ wasn't going to.  _

He didn't know what to say, and he sat there, silent; listening to her weeps. 

It hurt him way more than he'd like to admit. Listening to her cry was starting to become unbearable; so, he reluctantly broke the silence.

“Okay, kiddo. If you're not gonna calm down, and if you  _ really  _ need to, you should go back to the studio and ask again if he's actually there. Sure, it'll be a bit embarrassing, but hey. You'll get your answers.”

Hat Kid nodded once again, hearing the strange ghost’s words. And then she looked up and smiled. 

“See, I knew you cared. The BFF contract wasn't for nothing, huh?” She folded her arms, looking at him, a smug expression now on her face despite her puffy cheeks.

Snatcher’s eyes widened and he looked to the side, purely in denial. 

“Uh, no. You should go, kid.”

“Alright. I'll come back.”

“Unfortunately.”

Hat Kid let out a giggle, though she still felt as if she wanted to cry; but she refused, now walking back to the Main Hub, stopping to calm down slightly. 

The room was bright, stickers she had found in the Nyakuza Metro littered on the windows of the ship and on the doors.

The relics she had found on her journey sat on the small yet wide podiums, too; the sitting device, and the tiny train. 

The bright colours made her smile. So did everything else. 

She stood there until she had felt okay again, multiple strange thoughts crossing her mind. 

She could've sworn she wanted to go and dive into her huge pillow pool for a second or two, but she daren’t do that; Snatcher would most likely get mad at her for not going go ahead and doing what she said she'd do.

Speaking of what she wanted to do, she  _ did  _ have to go and do it. 

She quickly made her way towards the orange door, grinning at the train tracks on the carpet of the corridor yet again. 

Once she entered the Machine Room, she made her way up to the telescope, frowning. 

She tilted her head.   
  


_ There was no point in this.  _

_ But, hey, she might get somewhere…?  _

She grinned. Her eyes were still bloodshot and it was painfully obvious that she had been crying, with her puffy cheeks and croaky voice, but it wasn't a big deal. 

She peeked into the telescope, letting it take her to where she wanted to go. 

  
  
  
  


Once the Receptionist saw Hat Kid in the middle of the small corridor before the main reception, he grimaced; he didn't want to deal with this kid yet again. He didn't ask for this!

Seeing the doubt on her face make itself clear, he dreaded the question he thought she was going to ask. 

She entered the reception, looking at DJ Grooves’ side of the studio.

“No, he's still not here.” Receptionist said, refusing to look at the little girl, folding his arms. 

The doubt on her face only grew. 

“No, I wasn't gonna ask that—…is Grooves recording?”

“No, you can go talk to him if you'd like. Maybe he knows something that I don't?” Hat Kid could hear a hint of sass and sarcasm in his last question, but she disregarded it. “Thanks,” She said, forcing a faint smile. 

Receptionist did the same. He really didn't want to deal with this girl; he knew nothing about where the Conductor was, but maybe Grooves knew something, and the very least he could do was flash a polite smile and redirect her to someone else.

Once their smiles faded, she immediately headed for the door on the right. She couldn't reach the doorknob, but that was okay, considering she could just push the door open.

And that was what she did. 

  
  
  


“Grooves—”

Hearing his name be called unexpectedly and more louder than usual, his body tensed up, and he immediately looked in the direction of the voice. 

He could see Hat Kid, standing near the big door to his side of the studio, doubt etched onto her face. Her body language showed it, too; she seemed tense. 

Once he saw her, though, he calmed down, smiling. “I wasn't expecting you, darling.”

She nodded.

“I know,” She breathed, quickly making her way towards Grooves. “But I really need to ask you something.”

“Ask away.”

“‘Scuse my language, but. Where? The peck? Is Conductor? I don't know where he is, and I've looked! I really need to talk to him like  _ right now _ but he isn't  _ anywhere  _ and I thought you'd know where he was but I couldn't ask you until now and—”

“Wait, darling— calm down!” Both of their voices sounded urgent, though Hat Kid’s was more out of breath.   
Upon hearing what Grooves said though, she did try her best to calm down. She was now silent, and the only thing they could both hear was her shallow breathing. 

“Slow down.”

“I…I slowed down.”

“Good. First, why do you want to talk to him?”

Hat Kid sighed, looking down. “He…I played a prank on him last night while he was drunk. I thought it was gonna be harmless, but he told me a secret, one that I'm  _ not  _ gonna tell to you cause I know he didn't mean to say it. But I'm…really concerned, and I have to find him and ask what that was about before he  _ acts  _ on what he said.”

Grooves, who was listening intently to what the girl had to say, zoned out. 

He had a feeling he knew exactly what Conductor had said to her.   
Knowing about the two precious suicides he had attempted in the past, he had a feeling he  _ knew.  _

And Hat Kid had to find him before he ‘acted’ on it.

_ …Uh… _

Grooves was now filled with fear and concern, but he couldn't say that, or make it clear. 

He wasn't going to ask Conductor about it either. He had no idea if he was thinking correctly…

“…He was drunk?” He asked.

“Mhm!”

“He's never here the day after he gets drunk…he's usually just hungover, so he doesn't come…or say anything to anyone...” He folded his arms, trying to look as if he was deep in thought.

“He's…” Hat Kid trailed off. She looked lost, her thoughts miles away. “What?” She tilted her head, looking straight at Grooves, who only chuckled. 

“Hungover.”

“Uh…what's that mean?” 

Grooves tilted his head, too, confused. How did Hat Kid not know what ‘being hungover’ meant!?

He was going to laugh, but then he remembered: she was an alien, not from this planet. She didn't know how Earth life worked, and she _was_ rather new to this planet.

“It basically means…after you get drunk, you're sick for the whole next day. Like,  _ really sick.” _

“So, he’s just  _ sick _ !? I looked around the whole of Subcon Forest  _ and  _ burst into tears in front of Snatcher for  _ nothing _ !?” She blurted, her voice raising to a yell. 

Grooves would've answered her, but he froze. 

  
  
  


_ Subcon…? _

_ Why would she go look there…? What kind of secrets did Conductor reveal to her!? _

  
  
  


But he couldn't dwell on such things. 

“Y…y-yeah. You looked around Subcon for nothing.” His voice was almost silent. 

“…Oh.” A small, faint, fearful, yet relieved smile spread on Hat Kid’s face. 

But it left as quickly as it came, confusion taking its place. “Then  _ why  _ did the Receptionist say Conductor didn't call him to say he wasn't coming?”

“Darling, I can tell you from experience, hangovers are  _ terrible _ .” Grooves chuckled, looking at Hat Kid, emphasising the last word more than he had to. “Sometimes you can't even pick up your phone and talk, or do anything, it's  _ that bad _ . You'll be able to talk to him tomorrow, I bet. He usually comes right after the hangover is gone. It takes, like, a day to wear off.”

“Ohhhhhh,” The continuous puzzled look on Hat Kid’s face wore off, and she started to smile again; though her cheeks were rosier than normal.

Embarrassment had caught up to her. 

But surely it was okay, right?

“Okay!” A bright smile appeared on the girl’s face as she tried to cover up her sudden embarrassment.

Grooves returned the bright smile as Hat Kid quickly skipped out of the studio. “Thanks!” She said, trailing off to the door. 

“Don’t mention it, darling. Come back if you have more questions!”

“I will!”

  
  
  


The little girl was no longer in the same room as Grooves. His smile faltered, and he started to think.

_ Subcon…? _

_ What was Conductor planning…? Did he tell the little girl something I don't know? _

_ I shouldn't ask him, though. He wouldn't remember, knowing him.  _

_ But now I'm scared… _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Once Hat Kid had reached her spaceship, the pinkish glow on her cheeks only intensified, and she could feel them heat up as she ran to her bedroom. 

She covered her face once she entered the purple-blue corridor yet again, groaning loudly. 

Once the automatic door opened, Snatcher heard her muffled groans, and put his book away, confused yet intrigued as to why she was making such noises. 

“So? What happened?”

“HE’S AT HOME! HE’S JUST  _ SICK, HUNGOVER _ !”

She started to laugh, though her laughs and giggles were muffled, Snatcher could hear them. 

This made him want to laugh too,  _ but Hat Kid didn't need to know that _ . 

“I told you you were overthinking it!” A smug grin appeared on his face.

“I TOLD MYSELF, TOO! Uuuuughhh…

  
  
  
  


_ I don't wanna wait till tomorrow…” _


End file.
